


can we just talk?

by flightlesscrow



Category: SK8 the Infinity (Anime)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Making Up, Not Beta Read, Swearing, i just have a lot of feelings about them and i needed to get it out and this is how it ended up, so i made them talk, they need to talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-25 02:42:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30082275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flightlesscrow/pseuds/flightlesscrow
Summary: It’s awkward and uncomfortable, this silence they’re locked in, when it never used to be before. Reki’s heart beats fast against his ribcage, trying to burst out of his chest and run away. Reki wishes he could run, too. But he can’t run anymore.Langa takes a shuddering breath and sits up, looks at Reki. His eyes aren’t piercing anymore, but Reki can see all the hurt and confusion swimming in them because of him. It kills him inside, his heart crumbling to dust.“Did I do something wrong?” Langa asks.
Relationships: Hasegawa Langa/Kyan Reki
Kudos: 88





	can we just talk?

"Are you sure this is fine?" The man at the entrance of "S" asks him. He looks at the member pin sitting in the palm of his hand, confused. 

"Yeah," Reki says, already walking away. The sooner he can put this behind him, the better. It's not like it was doing him any good, right? 

_ There's no use sitting on the sidelines, watching everyone around you shine, when you're never gonna be on their level. _

He shakes his head, kicking a rock down the street as he goes. His board feels like lead, a heavy reminder of everything; the time he's spent; the blood,sweat, and tears he's poured; the friends he's made and the ones he's lost;  _ Langa _ . 

Thinking about Langa makes tears prick at the corners of his eyes, but Reki refuses to cry anymore. He's made his bed, now he must lie in it. But he'd be lying if he said he didn't wish things were different. He'd be lying if he said he didn't miss him. How is he? Is he better off without Reki?  _ Did I make the wrong choice? _

The street lamps flicker overhead, but Reki doesn't notice, or maybe he just doesn't care. His head is so full of regrets and memories and wishes, that he doesn't realize he's made it home. 

The lights are off; everyone else must be in bed already. Suddenly, going to bed sounds like the most heavenly idea on earth right now. Maybe when he wakes up, his resolve will have hardened. As hard a choice as it was, this is for the best… right? 

What use is there in dragging everyone else down? What use is there being in the way? Surely Langa and everyone else will be much better off without him around to hold them back. After all, he can't keep up anymore. He's not really sure that he ever could. 

He goes through the motions of getting ready for bed robotically, mind elsewhere as he brushes his teeth and changes his clothes. By the time he's in bed, gazing up at the ceiling, his racing mind still hasn't quieted.

_It hurts. I miss him. I can't_ _say anything._

_ Do I have the right to miss him? After all… I'm the one who pushed him away in the first place.  _

Reki squeezes his eyes shut and curls on his side.  _ Shut up,  _ he thinks.  _ Just shut the hell up.  _ Unfortunately, his brain doesn't listen to him.

It's late, well past 2 o'clock, yet he can't sleep. His own brain torments him with relentless thoughts, and he can't keep them at bay long enough to slip into blissful unconsciousness. So he glares up at his ceiling, wishing things were different, wishing he was stronger, better.

He hears something tap against his window and tenses up, but when the sound doesn't come immediately again he relaxes.  _ Probably a bird or something. Wait, are there nocturnal birds?  _

He figures it's just about time to at least  _ try  _ to sleep, so he closes his eyes. But as soon as he does he hears the same  _ tap  _ against his window. This time it's followed by a muffled  _ Reki!  _ He tenses up again. There's no way he could mistake that voice. 

Slowly, Reki drags himself out of bed, dreading every second of it. He knew he couldn't keep avoiding everyone forever, but he'd hoped they would just forget about him and not come looking, even Langa. Especially Langa. 

But, sure enough, when Reki looks outside his window, there Langa stands. His face is red and his hair is tangled, and he looks like he's having trouble catching his breath.  _ Is he alright? What's wrong?  _

"Langa?" Reki opens his window. A mixture of emotions flash across Langa's face, and Reki can't identify them because they're so quick to come and go.

"If I'd known I only had to throw rocks at your window to get you to talk to me again, I would have done it a lot sooner," Langa pants, walking up to the window. 

Now that he's closer, Reki can see sweat dripping down the sides of Langa's face, making his hair wet in the process.  _ Did he run here? But his board is tucked under his arm…  _

"Um," Reki says dumbly, not knowing how he's even supposed to respond to that. Langa just shakes his head, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

"Can I come in?" 

Reki nods. His room is only on the first floor, so Langa climbs through his window with ease. When he's inside Reki's room, slumped on the floor and still slightly out of breath, Reki closes the window. He keeps his back to Langa, not truly ready to see him, to talk to him. 

He knows he really can't avoid him now, though. Not when he's already in his room, not when Reki can feel Langa staring holes through him. 

“Reki,” Langa calls softly. Reki stays still, stubborn. “Reki, please.” His voice catches on ‘please.’ Reki’s heart shatters, yet he still can’t look. He can’t bear the weight of his mistakes, and he knows it’ll crush him if he looks at Langa.

“Langa-”   
  
“Reki, this isn’t fair! Look at me!” Langa grabs his shoulder and spins him around so they’re face to face. Reki’s head spins-- he didn’t even hear Langa get up, much less walk over to him.    
  
Reki looks at Langa with wide eyes and bated breath. Now that they’re so close, he can see that Langa’s been crying, dry tear tracks staining his cheeks. He can see fresh tears gathering in Langa’s piercing blue eyes. Reki wants to run away. But he can’t. He has to face this, to face him. 

After all, Langa’s right. This isn’t fair to him. He deserves an explanation at the very least.

“I’m sorry,” Reki whispers. Langa narrows his eyes, just a bit, and drops his hand from Reki’s shoulder. Reki catches it as it falls, holding it in his own. “Can we sit?”   
  
Langa nods, and Reki guides them to his bed, plopping down. Langa sits on the edge of the bed, hunched over. The hand Reki’s holding is limp, but he keeps his other hand balled in a fist on his thigh. His hair falls in his face, and Reki can’t tell what he’s thinking. He’s not used to that. Langa’s always worn his heart on his sleeve; he never could mask his emotions well. 

It’s awkward and uncomfortable, this silence they’re locked in, when it never used to be before. Reki’s heart beats fast against his ribcage, trying to burst out of his chest and run away. Reki wishes he could run, too. But he can’t run anymore. 

Langa takes a shuddering breath and sits up, looks at Reki. His eyes aren’t piercing anymore, but Reki can see all the hurt and confusion swimming in them because of him. It kills him inside, his heart crumbling to dust.

“Did I do something wrong?” Langa asks. Reki’s eyes widen in surprise. “I’m sorry, Reki, but I just don’t understand what I did. Please tell me, ‘cause it’s been hell without you around and I  _ miss  _ you, and it’s killing me. Nothing is the same without you. So please tell me what I did so I can fix it-”   
  
“Langa,” Reki interrupts, “you didn’t do anything. It’s not your fault. I’m sorry that I made you think it was.” Reki takes a deep breath, steeling himself. “This is gonna sound stupid, and like, a classic cliche excuse, but it’s not something you did, it’s me.”   
  
“What do you mean?” Langa asks.

Reki breaks eye contact, scowling down at the floor. “It’s… me. I’m inadequate. I’m not good enough to skate beside you, or with any of the others, and keeping me around is just gonna slow you down. You deserve better than that, and-”   
  
“Reki, shut the fuck up.” Shocked, Reki looks at Langa. Langa’s eyes are ablaze in blue flames. He looks pissed. Reki’s never seen him so mad. “You’re not inadequate. And I  _ want  _ you by my side. Remember when I told you about that rush I get from skating? When my heart beats wildly in my chest?”   
  
Reki nods, a little confused.

“I don’t get that rush when you’re not there. And it killed me, when I’d look for you in the crowd and you weren’t there. It kills me not to be able to skate next to you.”    
  
“But I’m not good enough to skate next to you!”   
  
“Says who?!” Langa yells. Reki flinches. “Says fucking who, Reki?”    
  
“Everyone! Everyone at the stupid track. I’m just the redhead that follows you around, no good for anything! Everyone fucking sees it, so why can’t you?!”   
  
“Because they’re  _ wrong,  _ Reki!” Langa’s voice cracks in the middle of the sentence, and he can’t stop the tears from flowing. Reki panics, not knowing what to do. He reaches out, but Langa bats his hand away. “Do you really care about what everyone else thinks? I sure as shit don’t! They don’t know you,  _ I do,  _ and I know how good you are. These people don’t know what the hell they’re talking about, but  _ I do,  _ and I want you with me, Reki!” 

Langa angrily wipes the tears from his eyes as Reki sits in dumbfounded silence. 

“You… want me here?” Reki asks. “Like, for real?”   
  
“ _ Yes.  _ Reki, you’re really fucking dumb sometimes,” Langa huffs.

“I’m sorry.” Langa looks at Reki, urging him to continue. “I just… I knew it wasn’t fair to you, but I still ignored you because I couldn’t deal with my own insecurities and short-comings, and I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I’d hurt you so badly because I thought you’d be better off without me… but I shouldn’t have assumed that.”    
  
“No, you really shouldn’t have,” Langa says, voice small. Reki tries to smile, but it comes out more like a grimace. 

“I’m really sorry, Langa.”

“It’s not okay, but… I forgive you. I’m sorry too, for not realizing you were hurting also.”

“It’s not your fault, I mean, I didn’t tell anyone, so,” Reki trails off.

“Just, promise me one thing?” Langa asks. Reki nods. “Promise me, next time you’ll talk to me instead of shutting me out if you’re feeling bad again. I’m here for you.”    
  
“I promise,” Reki says, a small smile playing on his lips. He holds his fist out for a fist bump, but Langa ignores it, choosing instead to engulf him in a big hug. He knocks Reki backwards with it, all the air in his body escaping with an  _ oof.  _ Still, he wraps his arms around Langa just as tight. They lay like that for a little while, and Reki finds he doesn’t mind being crushed like this as long as it’s Langa doing it.

Langa eventually pulls out of the hug, but hovers above Reki, supporting himself with his arms on either side of Reki’s head.  _ He’s beautiful,  _ Reki thinks. His hair falls like a curtain around his face, and Reki’s heart aches, but in a good way this time. Before he can think twice about it, Reki tucks a piece of hair behind Langa’s ear and cups his cheek, thumb brushing away the stray tears that linger on his waterline. 

Langa smiles at him, and Reki’s hit hard with just how much he missed that smile. He’s glad to have it back.

“It’s really late… we should get to sleep,” Reki says softly, breaking the tranquil quiet that’s settled around them. 

“I should get home, we have school tomorrow and all my stuff is at my house.”   
  
“I’m not letting you walk home alone. We can just leave early and stop at your house on the way,” Reki offers. “It should be fast enough if we take our boards, right?”   
  
Langa laughs nervously. “Um, about that… I need you to take a look at my board later.”   
  
“Oh, sure,” Reki agrees. “What’s wrong with it?”   
  
“It kinda, um, snapped?”   
  
“It WHAT?!” Reki asks, sitting up too fast. He hits his head on Langa’s in the process.

“Ow, Reki!” 

“Sorry! What did you do?” Reki asks.

“I guess I put too much pressure on it and it snapped… I’m sorry, Reki,” Langa says, unable to look Reki in the eyes. 

Reki sighs, flopping back down and dragging Langa with him. “It’s fine, we’ll look at it tomorrow. Let’s just sleep for now.”

Langa nods, settling next to Reki. Reki looks at him out of the corner of his eye. He looks like he wants to say more, but he doesn’t say anything. 

“Good night, Langa,” Reki says instead. They’ll talk more tomorrow, after all.

“Yeah… good night,” Langa replies. Reki drifts to sleep shortly after that. 

If they wake up in the morning in a tangled mess of limbs, well, that’s for them and them alone to know.

**Author's Note:**

> I have not posted anything in more than a year now, and this is far from perfect, but it's something, and I needed to get it out before the next episode lol. I just have a lot of feelings about these dumb skater boys. Manifesting a reunion/makeup in episode 10!!! please we all need it
> 
> Also, Langa threw rocks at Reki's window just because he wanted to, even though he could've just easily knocked on it lol... I forgot to put that in the story
> 
> Come find me on twt @/mystrytactician !


End file.
